Last single girls day

Well today was a day and half!! I had planned a trip to Glasgow to meet up with a couple of pals for lunch. At the last moment I also decided to treat myself to a super douper pre pregnancy haircut at Tony and Guy. So, I got up, had shower, breakfast and left in plenty of time to park then waddle to the salon.

Upon reaching the grand city I got to the car park, took my token, and parked the car ONLY THEN to realise that whilst I had lifted my handbag, bottle of water and phone I had left my purse at home!!! I tell you, I was close to tears!! I started to panic, could feel the tears coming to my eyes, couldn’t work out what to do! Should I cancel haircut and go wait for friends? Borrow money for lunch and car park? Should I go to bank and see if i can withdraw money, even without any form of id? Should I try and get out the car park, but I did not know if it was manned? I had £1 in my handbag and an hour and half to kill till I was meeting friends! I couldn’t walk round shops for that length of time, i’d be in agony! As you can tell, so many thoughts and no answers so I did the only sane thing before I was in full panic/ breakdown mode- I called my mum!

She was great, I can’t believe she and dad drove up to Glasgow to give me my purse. She knew how important the haircut was, how good it would make me feel and how important it was to meet up with friends. What I can’t believe is that in a few weeks I’m going to be that person for someone. I’m going to be the only sane thing to do- call me??? What will I know?? I only hope I can be half as good a mum as mine is, either that or baby knows grannies number too. 😉

Pregnancy endings!!

Well as I enter the final, hopefully, three weeks of pregnancy, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on all the symptoms/side-effects/niggles of ring pregnant. Mostly in case I forget them but also just to have a wee list before these posts become all about little Peanut!! So I’m just going to list them in no particular order. Its not meant to be a moany post just a record of the things a body goes through. Apologies to those who may be squeamish as some are a wee bit personal. 🙂

MORNING SICKNESS
So although I was never sick, I felt sick most of the day for the first 10-14 weeks. Along with this I had strange tastes, including everything very bland and basic. Like plain chicken and rice, or super noodles (even though I thought I loved them I could hardly finish a bowl) I tried everything ginger, the tea worked as did ginger biscuits and ginger cake.

DIFFERING TASTES
This one has been all pregnancy. The first thin was going off tea and coffee!! I mean I could easily have had ten cups of tea a day then all of a sudden boom!! It turned my stomach. This one lasted for months and even now with three weeks to go, my tea has to have some sugar in it and be weak. Coffee I can drink again but only have a cup a day.
Breakfast bars- I couldn’t get enough.
Milkshakes – as I near the end I find myself drinking about 4 pints in a day and half. Nesquik or Crusha, it doesn’t matter as long as its strawberry!
Lucozade- for the first 8 weeks when I was off tea I think I was getting my caffeine fix from Lucozade Orange. I could easily have three or four bottles a day till a friend pointed out the amount of caffeine in them!
Vegetables- I went off broccoli! As well as other veg. Again the thought turned my stomach- that was prob from 14-24 weeks.
Poor appetite- again I’d say all pregnancy but def after the break up, even now I struggle to feed myself as I have no appetite, however if food is put down I realise I’m hungry. When I was working it was my appetite that went and it did stress me out loads.

CONSTANT AWARENESS OF BODILY FUNCTIONS
This is a bit personal and gross so I won’t go into it in depth. 🙂 I didn’t realise just how much you become aware of all bodily functions when pregnant. If its not the constant running to the loo to wee, it’s the wondering, “when was my last BM?” There was a time in the middle of pregnancy when the loo runs became less frequent but not now. I feel like its the most used room in the house! 🙂
Wind- there was a time, probably about 12-18 weeks when I couldn’t control the burping or passing of windy pops!! Yuck!

INDIGESTION
Not been a problem till these last few weeks, easily solved with gaviscon by the mouthful.

PAIN
Well I’ve told you of the pelvic girdle pain and that’s been the highlight. 😦 now its just general aches and pains with weight of baby.

MOVEMENT OF BABY
From the first wee flutterings that felt like butterfly kisses to these huge digs and slides its doing now, all have been amazing!! They have been what has kept me going, kept me from breaking down and weeping. It’s impossible to explain them. Now they are quite jerky and also feel like baby has hiccups as they are sometimes regular. Peanut still feels like it prefers the right side.

LACK OF SLEEP
This is a true killer!! At the start it was due to stress and loo runs and feeling sick, then it was due to my life being catapulted in a new direction, now I guess it’s to do with nature preparing me for life with a newborn!! Yeah right, who you trying to kid here nature??? For the past umpteen weeks I can only sleep for two hours at a time, now it’s reduced to an hour. Then I just got wake up, turn over, rub aching hip/knee get comfy again and realise yep I need to pee!!! I’m totally prepared nature- bring it on! 🙂

I’m sure I might come back to this post to update at some point when I remember other little niggles. I guess the biggest one is the unbelievable amazingnesss of the miracle of life. I mean I don’t do anything consciously, apart from look after myself which I’d do anyway, and yet my body can create, nourish and grow a child!! It’s way beyond cool!!

Pamper Day

Today i was treated by my big sister to a surprise. I haven’t been sleeping much recently (it is 5.40am) and I think she took matters into her own hands. I was told to be at her house for 12pm.

I arrived to find the table set for lunch, me, my sis and two nieces. 🙂 It was lovely. My youngest niece was waitress and got me my drinks and food. She had also chosen some black forest gateau from a delicious local bakery. There was candles and strawberry and marshmallow kebabs. yum yum.

After lunch niece took over again and gave me a new hairstyle along with a glittery manicure. I was driven to a secret destination by my sis. She had booked me in for 75 minutes of pampering at a local therapy room. It was bliss..

I had a facial and a hand massage. Total relaxation. It really was bliss. exactly what I needed. Although as tonight can show it hasn’t really aided to the lack of sleep situation but hey ho!! 🙂

But the day didn’t end there. It was back to my sisters house with my niece who entertained me for a few hours, including practising her violin and playing at shops. Then my brother joined us later on by surprise and we had another lovely meal, watched some tv and chilled.

All in all a very relaxing day with sis and niece.

Pain, glorious pain!!

As stated before at my 20 week scan I asked the nurses about some pain I’d been feeling. I was diagnosed with Symphysus Pubis Disorder, otherwise known as Pelvic Girdle Pain. Description from the pelvic Partnership: (http://www.pelvicpartnership.org.uk/what-is-pgp.html)

PGP (Pelvic Girdle Pain) is a condition which affects a large number of pregnant women (up to 1 in 4 in some studies). It was commonly known as SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction), but this implies that only the symphysis pubis is affected, which is not usually the case.

There is a wide range of symptoms and the severity also varies between women. It is important to remember that PGP is a common and, in most cases, treatable condition. It can be safely treated in pregnancy.

PGP is assessed, managed and treated in the same way, whatever the cause and whenever it started. So if you have pelvic pain during or after a pregnancy, ask for treatment.

pelvic-partnership-what-is-pgp-content

SPD is increasingly known as Pelvic Girdle Pain, and because this is the term used in many recent studies, this is what we will use on this website. It describes the condition more accurately because it implies that all the pelvic joints are affected, which is the case for most women.

My experience started out as pain in my coxic bone at the end of the day. I’d sit down on the train and it would feel like my tail bone was on fire. 😦 It was then difficult to stand up, The doctors at the hospital were very good and took me upstairs and examined me thoroughly in order to rule out any other problems. At final diagnosis I was told not much to be done but rest and an appointment was made for me at the physio. Unfortunately my life took the drastic turn before I could be seen by a physio and I had to re-register with midwives in the new area and get referred again to physio.

I was finally seen by one in the summer who gave me some gentle pelvic exercise and showed me how to get in and out of bed etc. During the summer the pain was bearable as I had every second day to rest and recuperate. I really felt the full brunt of PGP when I went back to work in August.

The plan had been to work for 4 weeks then start mat leave on the 16th Sept. I went to work on Monday and smiled through the pain, caught up with colleagues I hadn’t seen all summer, that first day was fine, however by Thursday I was a very different person….

…how best to describe this pain?? well by Thursday it felt like I had been riding an old Victorian bicycle all day over cobbled streets then when I stood off the bike a huge Clydesdale horse had kicked me right between the legs. Imagine that??? Every step hurt. It was s ore to sit down, sore to stand up and in a job where I was up and down all day dealing with pupils this was very upsetting. The other, more worrying side effects of this though were the fact that I wasn’t sleeping, it was too painful. After not sleeping then needing to get up for work I was Knackered, in a way I’d never been before. I had no appetite, no energy, wasn;t eating properly and then getting stressed out because this was the beginning of my 3rd trimester I was meant to be eating more to allow my baby to put down layers of fat. Toast and beans was not a suitable dinner every night at this stage!!

I got in touch with my midwife and made an appointment to see the doctor. Unfortunatley this meant I had to leave work and driver for 2.5 hours, so after discussing options with work it was decided I’d speak to the doc about the possibilty of getting signed off. It was not the best thing I wanted to do but I had to face facts: I was not well enough to be at work and give 100%. My replacement managed to come in and start two and half weeks earlyt so I had time to do a hadn over with all the paperwork then I was off, back down home to rest up and wait for peanuts arrival.

That was two weeks ago and in that two weeks I’ve seen the physio again who was very helpful. “yes well there is no quick fix or cure, you’ve had this pain at 20 weeks, it’s likely to be worse at 34” Basically the best thing I can do is rest, but not too much. Keep mobile, bust not too much. 😉 I’ve got a support band to wear when walking and if it gets much worse I need to go back and discuss the possibility of crutches.

How is it affecting me day to day??

Well I feel like I’m in pan all the time, mostly to be honest its a 1 or 2 out of ten then when I stand up it increases to a 9 for a minute then settles again. The other day I walked to a corner store to pick up milk, only a wee 5 minute walk but it took about 10 minutes and by by the time i got back I was in a lot of pain, an 8 or 9 for a good twenty minutes. Turning over in bed is probably the worst. It’s like a military manoeuvre. Knees together, tighten my trans-abs, move shoulder and knee together and turn. Now for a squirmer and mover when asleep like me this has caused many problems. Usually me waking up in agony. Oh and i need a pillow between my legs when asleep too.

I cant lift anything too heavy and have been instructed by physio to only do light housework so my mum has been roped into helping out round the house lots. I also can’t really do shopping anymore as pushing the trolley hurts and carrying bags hurts so for the next few weeks shopping will be a family exercise again. 🙂 Its all good though – a great excuse to spend heaps of time with mum and dad and family.

I have to say though that although this pain has been a bit debilitating over the past few weeks, I can;t really complain. I’m off work, I have nothing and nowhere I need to be, except midwife appointments. I can sleep when I need, rest when I need and get up and potter to my hearts content. I know friends who have had terrible 3rd trimesters and tbh most pregnant women I speak to have some sort of discomfort or pain at this time.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this PGP is only pregnancy related and once we meet peanut it disappears.

Movements ahoy

So since the start I’ve felt sick in the morning, mid afternoon and again at night. Then when the movements started they followed that exact same pattern. Peanut moves in the morning, has a kick around about 2.30-30pm then like clockwork Peanut is all go around 9pm for about an hour!! Peanut also likes ths Sound of my dads voice, in fact it was when I was talking to my dad months ago that I felt the first flutterings. The other week my dad and a friend of my brothers was chatting and peanut was all kicks and turns. I think it likes a good gossip!

Now like all mothers I’ve tried to catch this on camera. I’m now 30 weeks today and last night caught my tummy going crazy. Unfortunately I cannot upload to this site yet but it is saved.

Thinking of the movements they have totally changed in feeling over the past ten months. At the start it was like someone giving me a butterfly kiss inside my tummy really low down, about my pant line. Then it was proper kicks and jabs for a few weeks that took me by surprise and could be quite painful. Now I can feel the baby’s head as it settles up high and overall the movements feel like waves across the middle of my tummy. I like that I can prod the head and feel the pressure at the bottom. There was one day when I swear I could feel the spine all the way down the front of my bump!

I think that in the morning peanut is lying towards the back as I feel smaller and can’t feel it, then come evening time it has moved to the front and is up high as I can feel it, both the pressure and actually feel the round head with my hands. I’m 32 weeks this week and peanut is still lying breech, midwife says nothing to worry about. If still breech at 36 weeks, I might get another scan.

Pregnancy middles

Well if the beginnings took us to Easter I’d best continue, we had our first scan scheduled for the Friday after Easter Sunday. Easter Sunday is always a family affair with my family, we go on an egg hunt and then have a family lunch, so it was the reflect time to tell everyone our news. He did t like this idea because we had agreed not to tell till after the scan but since the scan was only 4 days away I couldn’t see a problem. Plus if anything was wrong with the scan I would need the support from my family as I was already in love with this baby.

So I had the perfect way to tell everyone. I created wee Easter cards, one for each niece and one for my bro and sis, my other bro was on holiday so I just called him to tell him whe. He got back. 🙂 the cards said happy Easter to my big cousin, see you in October! I remember my brother saying why is my sister giving me a card that says to uncle John? 🙂 it was great, mum and dad were very happy, bro and sis were over the moon and congratulated us both. My youngest niece was super excited, if a little in awe. She told her mum that this was great news because now she wasn’t the youngest and wouldn’t get blamed for everything! I loved it.

He was okay too that day, if a little distant, but then I’d been distant with him as I’d been on my phone and through safari had found a message on his facebook page where he was talking very negatively with one of his pals, who I also read had been quite flirty with him in the past few weeks too. I talked to him about this but he said it was nothing to worry about and just his way of expressing himself and getting things off his chest. I was already pregnant and moved in with him, I felt that there was nothing I could really do and I guess there is different ways we talk to different people. I did not have his password or anything, he had obviously been signed in on my phone in the past. I put it behind me and he apologised.

The scan was the next big thing and I thought that surely after the scan he’d be happier, more excited about the baby. He had decided to take his mothers viewpoint which was it was bad luck to get too excited or to get things in or even talk about the baby till the first scan. Which had meant that for the past few weeks he didn’t really discuss things, whereas I was planning nurseries and costing cots and clothes and looking at real nappies, whilst he was ignoring the fact that a baby would be entering our lives. So the day of the scan we headed to hospital early, found the correct department and waited. We had the chat about the Down’s syndrome test and I had decided that I didn’t want to it as I saw no point in the first stage as I would never risk the second stage. I had made him read the book about the test and he was in agreement, though I’m sure he really wanted it done. Tough I decided, it was my body after all. So we signed that we would not be having that test, I drank water and waited. I have to say I was so nervous, it was like magical, in a few moments I’d get the first medical confirmation that I was indeed pregnant! 🙂 we went into the room, he sat beside me and I pulled my top up and trousers down a wee bit. The gel was warm, I was expecting it to be cold! And then the scan started and there was a teeny panic, I thou there is nothing there, I wasn’t showing, I hadn’t felt it, but that panic lasted a few seconds then bam there was our baby! Head, spine, legs, arms, and most important of all a good strong heartbeat. I just stared at the screen. So did he. All looked well, we were given five copies of the same picture, which was amazing. It’s little body and legs. I don’t have a copy of this picture, the only thing I have is it saved on my phone. . Here it is

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More ante natal classes

Well since my last post I’ve been to two more ante natal classes. The second one I had to go alone as my mum couldn’t make it. Yeah it was hard and I felt rubbish but I guess one wee hour class isn’t much in the grand scope of things I’m gonna have to do on my own. The physio took us through the three stages of labour, told us to remember to breath out SOS “Soft and Slow” she also said we need to try to keep mobile as much as possible and not to lie down on the bed straight away. We don’t need to stay in our room we can go for a walk along the corridor and crab walk up stairs, both sides, to encourage babies head to be in centre of pelvis. Can dance with our partners (though I’m not sure mum will be up for that) lean on ball, lean on side of bed/chair/table. Not to panic. It all seems fine and easy when they talk about it. And quick. Although she reminded us it could take anywhere between 10-12 hours or more, they still go through it all quick. She also spoke about the pool. I’d like to try the pool, I love being in the water, but I’m not ure I’d like to actually deliver in the water.

The third class was just last night, my sister came along with me as mum was on holiday. Surprise surprise my midwife was my sister too years ago with my niece. My sis liked her so that’s reassuring. She also went through labour but from a midwife perspective. Now we know what signs to look out for to know we are actually in labour. We have to call the hospital when we think we are in labour, which I’ll be doing anyway. And if the labour stops we must call back to let them know. 🙂 so now I know what to expect during the labour, lots of breathing, lots of wandering and lots of pain. Pain relief: wow what to take, what not to take!!!! The idea of a needle in my spine freaks me out, but I’m not ruling out an epidural. I’d prefer the drug that you control, and gas and air. Midwife thinks very few first births cope with just gas and air so ill be prepared for something a but stronger.

I guess now its down to me to write my birthing plan, pack a hospital bag and basically get prepared. If this child has my genes though it’ll be late. So next week is my last ante natal class, I can’t say it’s not been weird not having my mum, I wanted her there so she knew what I’d been told and wasn’t just going by what she did 33 years + ago. Even my sister said things have changed since she had her two 9 years ago.

Well I’m starting my lists now. Eek!

Pregnancy beginnings

The reason I started this blog was so that I had a record of my pregnancy. I’ve kept a written diary for as long as I can remember but I decided that there were some things I didn’t want to write down and also some things that needed recording in such a way that you can’t with paper, such as photos, videos etc so the blog began. My goal is to at some point, hopefully after the first year create a printed booklet or something that I can give to Peanut. I know children always ask questions and I didn’t want to be the mother that said ‘oh! I can’t remember’. So this is the first seven months, tears, anguish, joys and all….

Deciding to have a child was a decision that both myself and my partner took around Christmas/New Year time. We had The Discussion and so the trying began. I had met him online the summer before and felt that we were perfectly suited. Although there had been a few niggling issues at the start we had ironed them out. He had bought a house, in the same town as his folks, and two minutes away from them. I was there every weekend And spent a huge chunk of the holidays there. So the discussion came up, we loved each other, could see a future and it was baby shaped. In hindsight I have wondered if he truly did consider life with a child? If he was even able to see the immense change in life that a child would bring? I had, I knew what I needed to sacrifice, I knew how different our lives would be. I asked him if he had seriously considered this and he said he had. There was no reason to doubt him.

So in mid February, after a day where I was at the rugby game with colleagues we took the test. It was a Sunday morning,bring spring sunlit day. We walked to the Co-op together, I purchased the test (Clearblue digital) and took it back to his. I was excited and nervous, he was too. Although showed it differently. He was quiet and practical. I peed on the stick in the downstairs loo and sat it on the counter. Covered it for the few minutes we needed to wait. We talked, I can’t remember what about. I think I was too excited. I guess a bit of me knew, wanted to know. I wasn’t sure I could even get pregnant, having suffered from Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome. Well the minutes passed and I lifted the paper. The test was positive- it said quite clearly pregnant, after a few extra minutes the time appeared too 2-3. Meaning I was actually 3-4 weeks pregnant. I remember we hugged, happy, shocked, excited. I looked at him- he appeared the same, excited, shocked, happy. We were going to be a family. I think I said that to him, also that the baby would be the most loved, cutest baby ever!

So what do you do next? Well we had to go to church- it was a bright, dry, Sunday morning. We walked to church and I was full of beans. I felt happy and excited that there was a wee bit of us growing inside me and no-one knew. No-one could see, no-one could guess. I felt glowing and closer to him than I ever had. After church we went back to his folks for lunch. Before we ate, almost as some as we sat down, he had to tell them, we must have discussed this in the kitchen earlier and agreed parents would know first then other people at 12 weeks. I sat down, he stood, his folks were standing. He told them they would be grandparents, they were shocked, obviously. I looked at Him, he was nervous telling them this news. They reacted quite calmly and just said okay, that’s fine, as long as we were fine, they were fine. As long as we’re doing this for the right reasons his mother said. As long as we were together for the right reasons. Think she knew too many other couples who had accidents and stayed together just for the kid. We told her it wasn’t like that. They were most definetly not a hugging family so there was no hand shakes or hugs. We simply got on with the day. His dad appeared cheerful, there was chats about him as a child, how awful a baby he was. We walked the dog, ate, watched tv. I wanted to go tell my folks that day too but he didn’t, he couldn’t. He had to sit and check his folks were okay. It was too stressful for him to do both in the same day. I said that was okay. The next day was a holiday so we got up early and drove down to see my folks. Their reaction was different. After the initial Oh F**k, and you’re kidding. We had hugs and kisses and excitement. Dad was very excited. Mum shed a wee tear, I whispered it to my niece. We agreed that my siblings wouldn’t find out till the 12 week scan. Didn’t want to risk anything happening and my nieces not understanding. Both sets of parents mentioned marriage but that was something we never thought about. I think he said we’ll get to it. I wasn’t bothered, I was in love with this man, having a baby, saw a rosy future.

We agreed that it made sense for me to move in with him, as I was only renting. I remember him saying that this was “an inevitability” as I was there loads anyway and that was the way we were going. I handed In My notice at my landlord and started to pack, then the pregnancy symptoms started. I can’t remember, even now just six months later, in what order they came. Basically the first few weeks were a mixture of constant nausea, headaches in fact migraines and I couldn’t take anything for them. I went to the docs to get it confirmed and all the doc said was well if Clear blue is positive then that is more accurate than our tests so call the midwife and get an appointment. There was one weekend of random heartburn. I remember going shopping with him and his folks and buying gaviscon. It only lasted a weekend. I thought I was in for the whole pregnancy of heartburn like my sister. I was glad I wasn’t. The main symptom was definitely urine infections- I think I had about four or five in the first 12 weeks. 😦 these were not fun as they required me to take a day or two off work and just sit and drink water. I had to go on antibiotics,eventually I got stronger painkillers after my fourth migraine or something.

Whilst I was still in my flat we had our first booking in appointment with the community midwife, she started my first book and asked loads of questions, both to me and him. I had blood tests, urine tests, got asked the question about abuse at home, and got registered on their books, first scan booked. We took it in our stride, he was there, calm and collected, answering the questions etc. holding my hand.

The move didn’t go as I had planned it. I was very emotional and spent a few days in tears, also very ill so couldn’t really pack. I remember feeling sick when I woke up, then again about 9.30-10.30am. I’d the have a few good hours but it’d come back about 2.30-3.30 pm and again at night around 9pm. I bought ginger cake and ginger biscuits, lived on lucozade, and soup. Ate alone a lot as I couldn’t tell anyone at work. I eventually told the assistants I work closely with in case they began to wonder. I was never actually sick just felt awful. Drank plenty, wanted to eat plain,boring food. Missed a few nights out which was easy to hide as I was on antibiotics. I hated being on my own in my flat, he never stayed over or came to just give me a hug and tell me it’s okay. He said he doesn’t do sympathy! Again in hindsight a lot of hints but I ignored them.

Finally got moved in and thought things would be better, I’d be better. I put a lot of my feelings down to hormones and tiredness. My doctor in his home town was amazing. I remember going to see him with a migraine and he signed me off for a week, after I explained the move and the new experience of commuting an hour every morning and night. He told me to rest and chill out. The migraine was so bad I needed to get a taxi to the docs. It was only a ten/fifteen minute walk/ 2 minute car drive but I couldn’t make it. I felt like he truly cared about my well being, it was a nice feeling that someone was looking out for me. I did think that I should have felt like this from him and his folks. I also had my third urine infection at this point and the doc was worried. But then again said that if I suffered in the past, pregnancy can make them worse. 😦

All this took us up to Easter. By this time I had to tell my line manager as I had had so many days off and was felling rubbish. He was very understanding and congratulated me. I do remember that those days in his house resting, after I’d moved in and been signed off no one came to see me, not his mum, nor his dad. His mum invited up to theirs for dinner, but the last thing I wanted to do was get dressed and walk up to see them with the crazy, excitable dog and annoying cats. I wanted to be in my own house, where I could nap when I wanted and watch crap on telly. So I had to shop with my pounding head and cook for myself as he had dinner with them and spent a lot of the day at theirs “working” he hadn’t installed broadband, I offered many times to pay for it. He hadn’t installed a phone line, again I offered. He wouldn’t take anything from me for the house. I bought my own shopping and that was it. We agreed that money that would have gone to my rent went into a savings account for peanut.