What a summer

Summer is well and truly over as I write this snuggled under duvet and cover wishing I’d put the heating on earlier. Jessica is growing up fast and furious.  She still amazes me every day and I am so fortunate to know her.  

At the start of July I tried potty training as she was showing all the signs but alas she was not ready and after three days I stopped. I still sat her on the toilet before bath and talked about pee-ing and poo-ing but she went back to nappies and all was well. Then near the end of the summer, about the start of August little miss decided one Sunday morning that she was wearing pants!! I did say that she would need to tell me when she needed to pee and she said ok! And that by and large has been that! She is now daytime trained in the art of using the toilet. No potty for Jess. Nursery are amazed and ever so happy. I do not miss washing nappies and every other morning she is dry too so I’m sure nighttime isn’t too far behind.  

Her vocabulary and language skills have just sky rocketed over the summer!! Sentences, words, tone and texture are all there with her speech. She likes me to ‘look!’ And ‘show me’ she also has called me ‘mother’ on occasion when I was taking too long to react to her call. 

Bedtime was stressful over the summer but I think we have cracked it now, I changed the routine a we bit and it works 99% of the time.. Those nights when she doesn’t sleep I take as nights when she just needs me and I’m not gonna fight it and I’m gonna give her me. 


Someone missing mummy

so we had another night here of Jessica refusing to sleep. I did the usual bedtime routine, at the usual time and she just shouted on me. Came into bed with me and got all comfy and watched a bit of Atonement , played for a bit, chatted for ages, giggled a while and eventually after 10.30 fell asleep. I fell asleep also and woke up at half twelve. I’ve popped her back into her cot, got some work done and now going to sleep too, it’s after half one!! 

This is getting more common now so I’m maybe going to have to speak to nursery and see if we can reduce her nap to an hour? Or maybe I just need to not get anything done between her coming home and bedtime, but that defo won’t work in the winter…. Hey ho, just need to go with it. 

I had to remind myself today that she is my job and she should come before anything else.  If she is shouting for me, there is a reason and I should respond. Last night I couldn’t sleep, I tossed and turned and believe me if there was someone in the house who could have comforted me and cuddled me till I drifted off i’d sure have called for them too. 🙂 


Has it really been a year?

I cannot believe my wee peanut is one year old, well as i write this she is one year and 5 days old.  The past year has truly been the most amazing, most difficult, most exciting and most happiest year of my life so far.  There have been many many ups, a few very low downs but mostly days spent in giggles and in awe with this little person I created.

Jessica truly is a little miracle.  She is so content and happy with life and always has a smile on her wee face.  She does so many many things that I’ve not recorded in this blog and I don’t know why.  Her birthday was good, we went to Jo Jingles, had lunch with friends and then had a roast dinner with family where she opened loads of lovely pressies and blew out the candles on her delicious hand made cake from her big cousin.   I wasn’t that emotional, there were nearly tears when one of my pals put a touching comment on my fb page, but apart from that I was just excited and so happy.  It does kinda feel like its just been another day that has passed, no more significant to her than today for instance.  I’m happy with that.  I didn’t want to put a whole load of emphasis on that one day.  We had a few gorgeous cherished moments and she also had them with the family and thats all I could ask for.  I know that I wouldn’t be the mum I am without all their support.

So what is my big one year old up to now? Well apart from practically running…. She does this super cute walk when she can’t find something or someone and her hands are upturned and arms bent with hands out, and her wee face has this looks as if to say ‘where’d they go?’ or ‘I don’t know’  It truly is super cute.  She can climb up on the red train all by herself and sits on it going choo choo. She knows the noises a cow, horse and dog make and can tell you when you point to a pic of the animal or ask her.   She can go find Becky in the next room if you ask her, or any particular toy that she knows.  She can climb up and down the stairs, though I still stay with her just in case.  She can feed me and play the ‘no you’re not getting it’ game with me and giggle through it all.  She loves to dance and has this half twist/sway move that cracks me up. She has four teeth and her hair is much lighter but long and thicker.  She can throw a beaut of a tantrum if she doesn’t get her own way, so far they have all been small and controllable but I can see many chats taking place in the future.  She loves her Becky Bunny and needs it at bedtime.

What a year it has been??? I find myself wondering how i’ve changed? Has motherhood changed me? I know it has, and I also know it could have changed me for the worst, I’ve seen it happen to other people; they suddenly become too hard on themselves, or start to compare kids and become competitive, or forget the real world is still out there.  I hope I’ve changed for the better. I know that I let a lot more go, I don’t let things/people get to me the way I used to.  A lot more runs off my back, its just not worth the energy to carry grudges or annoyance around with me.  I have certainly realised that I cannot control how people perceive me or what they think of me.  What I can control is how I deal with the way they treat me.  That was a hard lesson, I can love someone totally and trust them completely but that is worth nothing if they are lying to me and they feel differently.  I hope that the changes that have happened to me make me a good mum, a good role model and friend for my little peanut.  I want her to know that she will always be able to trust me and I’ll always be there for her.  I also want her to know the real me, the fun, crazy Gump that my friends know. I hope so far I’ve shown her this.

The year ahead??? Well…..

…….I’m back to work.  Got a new job starting soon.  It was a tough few weeks trying to make decisions about work.  I wrote about ten blog posts in my head but never got round to typing any of them up.  I’ve accepted a full time, term time job locally.  Jessica will go into a nursery probably rather than a childminder as no childminder has spaces at the moment.  I’m really looking forward to having a proper routine and being in control a little bit more, sometime things spiral out of control here with no direction or purpose to each and every day.

I remember starting this and thinking it would only be the first year but I enjoy writing it.  keeping a record of all her wee personality traits as they show themselves.  Who know what the next year holds???

What we get up to.

Thought it was time for a wee up to date routine of Peanuts. So here we go…..

….. If we were to be in the house all day this is what it would look like

7.30am- wake up and have a chat with panda and Becky bunny, hitch up to the top of my cot and try and eat Jessica ted

8.30 am- give mum a shout.

8.30-9am- mum arrives, we smile, check the weather, she then washes my face(ick) dresses me in some cool outfit and then we head downstairs. Some days she is all dressed with long lashes and some days she is still in her pjs.

9-9.30am- I listen to Chris Evans and play with a few wee toys sitting in my high chair. I keep a close eye on mum as she dances around crazily and makes up my breakie (creamy porridge). Sometimes she thinks it’s okay to make herself a mug of something but I quickly remind her who is the boss.

9.30am- have a snuggle on sofa watching Jeremy Kyle and drink my bottle.

10am-11am- I play, on the floor or in my jumperoo, which I love. Sometimes we sing songs and dance.

11am- I start getting tired about now and mum is soooo nice to me that she takes me back up to see panda and Becky and we have a wee nap.

12pm- I wake up and mum is there. I’ve missed her loads so I give her big smiles and hugs. We go back downstairs and I sit in my big chair at the table again.

12.30pm- time for food and this time it’s something new and tasty then a bottle on the sofa again, I don’t always finish this bottle, a wee drink is all I need.

1.30-4.30- some days we chill out and lie on mums bed, other days I lie on my play mat with all my toys. If it’s not too wet or windy outside mum puts me in my buggy and we go for a walk. I love being outside and watching everything. If mum is cooking I go and sit on the counter and help her. I like the smell of lemon and garlic, but not fussed with cookies or hot cross buns. Some days I have a wee nap, other days it’s just too exciting so I don’t. We often go and visit gran and pops.

4.30-5pm it’s food time again and I always get something Savoury here. My favourite is carrot but I’m getting to like feeding myself with squashy foods. I also have a bottle but sometimes I don’t drink it all.

5pm- if I missed my nap earlier I zonk out here. But usually I entertain myself whilst mum has something to eat.

6-7pm I think this is my mums favourite hour. The TV is always off and there is music playing and we sing and dance and roll and I am always surrounded by toys that make noise when I hit them against things. I like sitting up against mummy’s leg and hitting her knee with a wooden spoon, but it does tire me out and I start to get unsettled.

7-7.15- this is a good time because mum takes my nappy off and I wriggle about upstairs watching a Pooh Bear lightshow.

7.15- ahhh the big bath! I love it, splish splashing about. Then I get wrapped up in a big fluffy warm towel and have cuddles with mum. And she massages my legs and belly and says I’m tickly under my chin, which always makes me giggle.

7.30-8 after that massage, I’m knackered and I’m happy that mum takes me to her big bed and gives me my bottle there, because she’s all comfy and gives big cuddles, she also always has a book to read to me and the pictures are fab. Last thing I remember before sleeping is the song she songs about a boat, a hushabye mountain and a forest of dreams. Although sometimes I’m just not ready to fall asleep on mummy and these nights she knows and puts me in my sleeping bag and takes me through to my own room. I give panda’s ear a chew and listen to my music whilst watching another light show on the ceiling. I fall asleep before the music stops. Zzzzz

And that would be Peanuts life if we don’t go out and about. 🙂 but we do:
Monday- baby sensory at ayr at 11.30
Tuesday- tots Praise in kille at 10.15
Thursday – jo jingles at 11.30 in ayr
Friday, Sat, Sun – plan less days!!! 🙂

Even when out and about I try my hardest to keep to her timings for eating and that ever elusive afternoon nap. 🙂


Wedding bells

Today two of my good friends got married. They have a wee girl of about three, and have been together for fifteen years. It was lovely, such a laid back wedding focused on the main thing- their love and respect and admiration for each other. I loved it. Everything a wedding should be.

Jess was great. I had no trouble with her at all. She ate, had a snooze and charmed everyone there. I got loads of compliments from folk saying she was such a good baby, so content and they were all amazed. I am so proud of her and of myself. I had my plan for the day, sticking to her routine as much as I could
and it worked out. This is the way we work. Our little team. We can do weddings. I know it’ll get harder as she gets older and more mobile, but I’m sure we will cope well. 🙂

Congrats to S & I. We had a ball.


1st Mothers Day memories

Well yesterday was my first Mother’s Day with Jessica. She got me a bunch of daffodils and a card (helped a bit by my folks) and a imprint of her hand and foot. (Helped by me) I’ve been feeling loads of love for her the past few days, like every now and then I just crumble when she looks bashful or cute or does something new. I tell her all day that she is loved and I wonder if this every fades? It’s a huge thing, overwhelming at times, motherly love.

What did we do on our Mother’s Day? Well we had a long lie as the clocks got moved forward, so not really a long lie, actually up at usual time, but it was an hour later. 🙂 Jessica was in great fettle and giggled loads all morning. We got ready then went to see my mum and give her a gift. Spent the afternoon in my folks garden, it was lovely weather. Saw my bro and my sis and nieces and had a good time. Got some great photos beside some daffodils.

I got a wee bit emotional when I got home. I wasn’t crying or anything just felt blue I guess. Couldn’t pinpoint why i felt sad. Maybe it’s because days like these remind me what’s not in Jessica’s life. Not him but just having another someone, there for both of us. I feel it is a lot on my folks shoulders. I know they are strong but still. Anyway good thing was the mood passed and we had a lovely time getting ready for bed.

It’s his birthday tomorrow. I still wonder what he thinks of the way things have gone and also how he can sleep at night and function in the day not knowing anything about her. I can’t wait till all these little and big anniversaries and first timers have rolled round once so i can feel all the emotions I have then know how to handle the event second time round. 🙂 I’m getting tired of having to fight through all the emotions of everything, it’s a battle sometimes not to let it all overpower me. If my brain had an off switch I’d flick it.

a wee list of what Jess is up to now:

• she has mastered the art of looking bashful, and tries it on with me, all the time.
• she squeakles sometimes- a mix of a squeal and a squeak.
• she is teething, has wee red cheeks a lot and is constantly gnawing on everything. Teething powders are a lifesaver
• I love her attitude, when I lift her in the morning she has look in her eye that says right, what we gonna learn today.
• I love picking her up when dressed in the morning, her hand rests on my shoulders and we are ready for the day
• eating like a champ. Veg and fruit all good.
• almost turning over, enjoying being on tummy more
• when she is finished her last bottle at night, she turns towards me, looks at me with a half open eye then smiles and cuddles in to sleep. It is super cute. It is her saying I’m done, it’s night time, I’m sleeping. 🙂

Love this little hubba bubba.



Out and about with bottles

So yesterday was our first day out and about without breast feeding. It went okay, I felt like I was having a flitting before we left though with the amount of stuff I packed but I’m guessing it’ll get easier in time. 🙂

We went our first walk round Culzean with my sis, bro and nieces. It was great fun. Not the clearest or warmest day but we wrapped up warm and away we went. Ended up having dinner out too which was great. Went to a nice place in Doonfoot, which was child friendly and food was Delish.

Since I knew I would be out all day I had to take a lot with me like:

2 cloth nappies and 3 sposies, i need to find out how others have days out with cloth- they are quite bulky in the bag, esp when all pooped on but sandwich bags from ikea are great to hold dirty ones, keep smell inside. 🙂

2 changes of clothes, just in case.

Another bag for food- I’m not sure about the do’s and donts of formula so here’s what we had- a thermos of just boiled water, a tub with three measured out portions of formula for 6oz bottles, three sterilised bottles, (taken straight out of solution, teat in, lid on, screwed together then placed in sealed bag) and hand breast pump also out of solution and in a sealed bag. Seems like loads but turns out I needed all of it, bar one bottle but used it straight away when I came home. Once I’m done with the pumping I’ll no longer need the breast pump either.

Was a good, easy, well supported practice run for when I go out and about on my own. I got a little anxious about how much she’d had to eat, but she let us know if she was hungry and she was great, didn’t throw any hissy fits or anything. She was awake most of the day, including when my meal was served but just popped her in the car seat where she giggled away. 🙂

What Jess likes

Well I thought another list was in order

What she likes:

Lying on me: I’m glad to say it’s still her favourite place. 🙂 she still nudges and nestles till we are cheek to cheek.

Chatting: non stop it would seem, especially in the morning getting her nappy changed or when she just wakes up, it’s like she really is telling me about her dreams.

The TV: I think a week at my folks has turned her into a Telly addict! 🙂 but we are amending this and a lot of the time it’s music I have on. It hasn’t stopped her sleeping or eating so it’s not too bad

Being out: she is so nosy, always taking everything in.

The bath:recently she has realised she can hang her head off the wee stand I have and her hair is all in the water, such a relaxed look on her face. Kicks all the time in the water.

Her cousins: she loves hearing their names and their voices.

What she doesn’t like.

Being left alone: the sling helps with this. Was quite bad when at my folks but in my house I can be in kitchen when she’s on living room, I just keep chatting to her.

Sleep perchance to dream

Woohoo!!! Jessica slept all night for two nights running. I can’t actually believe it!! Woke up this morning at 7, confused as to whether I fed her at 3 or not. I don’t think I did as her nappy hadn’t been changed and my water wasn’t touched. So I’m going with she slept!! Which is great. 🙂 feeling really refreshed and rest for the day. Hoping to head to Glasgow to meet up with my sis and get some shopping done.:)

Movements ahoy

So since the start I’ve felt sick in the morning, mid afternoon and again at night. Then when the movements started they followed that exact same pattern. Peanut moves in the morning, has a kick around about 2.30-30pm then like clockwork Peanut is all go around 9pm for about an hour!! Peanut also likes ths Sound of my dads voice, in fact it was when I was talking to my dad months ago that I felt the first flutterings. The other week my dad and a friend of my brothers was chatting and peanut was all kicks and turns. I think it likes a good gossip!

Now like all mothers I’ve tried to catch this on camera. I’m now 30 weeks today and last night caught my tummy going crazy. Unfortunately I cannot upload to this site yet but it is saved.

Thinking of the movements they have totally changed in feeling over the past ten months. At the start it was like someone giving me a butterfly kiss inside my tummy really low down, about my pant line. Then it was proper kicks and jabs for a few weeks that took me by surprise and could be quite painful. Now I can feel the baby’s head as it settles up high and overall the movements feel like waves across the middle of my tummy. I like that I can prod the head and feel the pressure at the bottom. There was one day when I swear I could feel the spine all the way down the front of my bump!

I think that in the morning peanut is lying towards the back as I feel smaller and can’t feel it, then come evening time it has moved to the front and is up high as I can feel it, both the pressure and actually feel the round head with my hands. I’m 32 weeks this week and peanut is still lying breech, midwife says nothing to worry about. If still breech at 36 weeks, I might get another scan.