Road trips, elections and swimming.

Last weekend me and Jess went on a little road trip to Liverpool.  We went to stay with a old school pal of mine.  It was bliss.  The road down took 5.5 hours because we stopped twice, once for me to pee and then again to chance Jess.  She never slept on the way down at all and only cried when she dropped Teddy.  It was good fun, a bit of a boring road driving down the M6 but easy.  If i had petrol money I would do it once a month.  Seeing my pal was great, it reminds me of the true definition of friendship and family as she welcomed me in and we just click like we did when we were 6.  I felt truly relaxed, more than i have for a long time.  Jess loved all the attention and chased her new wee pal K around the place all the time.  K is 3 months younger and just on his feet.  They made quite the pair.  She didn’t like going to sleep in the travel cot and cried for a while at night going to sleep, but she stayed sleeping and was as good as gold.  Mini meltdowns did occur as she tried to assert her authority and demand a few things,  but she quickly learnt I was having none of it and got back up to play.

Her mini meltdowns make me laugh,  She generally throws herself down and kicks her wee feet whilst crying (beginning to add ‘mummy’ to the cry)  As long as she is safe I ignore it and they last about 40 seconds.  HaHa.   I always try and see things from her point of view and work out if what she is asking is reasonable or not, usually its not.  Like today I took her water cup off her as she was tipping the water out and wiping it everywhere.  She did not like this.  but i just hid the water cup, wiped up the water and gave her another toy to play with, the game was quickly forgotten.

It was so good to have adult company all weekend, to have other people to watch Jess and entertain her, to chat about life and motherhood and sit in silence and mostly it was good to not be alone.

She got her first stranger kiss when we were down in liverpool.  A wee boy followed her out the play bit at soft play and hugged and kissed her, she just stood there sucking her thumb, looking kinda dumbfounded, poor wee lad.  she was fine though it did make me wonder about that side of her personality.  Will she alwyas stand and let people hug her or will she walk away?  I wonder if I will revisit thia in 15 years or so and say there Jess that was when I noticed how nice you were?

The general election was last week and SNP sent 56/59 MP’s to Westminster.  I knew that Scotland and Scottish people were engaged in politics but I did not realise they were that disappointed with Labour.  Time will tell how much input they will have and how much of an impact they will have.  I’m not sure it will be huge, Tories are in for another 5 years of cuts cuts and more cuts.

We went swimming when i was down in Liverpool and Jess was not really that impressed.  To be fair I didn’t reallyy know what t do with her in the water.  She started to shiver and chitter and laughed a bit but clung to me like a wee monkey. So, when i get home i called up the council and we found a space on a parent and child swim course,  7 weeks of a 10 week course and we had her first lesson last week.  She loved it.  wore little arm bands and floated away. absolutely great fun.  lots of splashes and lots of giggles.  Plus i know now what to do with her when i take her myself.

The other day my mum said that she looked like her dad.  it was the first time she had seen him in her.  it went quickly and she looked like herself again. I told my mum of course he is there.  They share dna.  It saddens me because it reminds me of something that she will never have.  It angers me because it reminds me i will never be free of being reminded of how hurtful humans can be.  I wonder about the future, about the conversations we will no doubt have.  I wonder about a time when i will see her look like him and feel nothing.  When all the pain and doubt will be gone.

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Politics, politics

So a 45-55 vote for No, Scotland should not be an independent country.  This happened a month ago and still it feels unreal, raw, like it didn’t actually happen.  My folks are struggling to understand how a country could vote no for independence and there are a lot of conspiracy theories floating around.   This is what I think, beware it is a ramble of thoughts:

My fellow Scots believe what they see on television, what politicians tell them and what they read in the tabloid press and all of these things were saying that Scotland is too poor, too weak, too small to stand on its own but if we give the London politicians a chance they will give us some more powers, they won’t let us run our own country but ‘devo-max’ will be given.  They promised this the day before the vote took place.  Scots believed them.  Its sad, I can’t understand why they didn’t look a wee bit further and see the truth that we can survive on our own.

Currency was a huge question and again, maybe I’m just not as stressed out as some folk, or maybe because I’ve actually been on my arse with nothing and know that you can survive that I didn’t see it as a huge thing. We either use the sterling pound after negotiating with London OR we use any other floating currency that we want.  Yes it would be change and confusion and uncertainty for a wee while but we would make it work.  I’ve been on too many courses and heard too many people say that change is a good thing for it to be false.  Change can empower and motivate, and its never easy.

Pensioners – it turns out it was the old dears who sold us out, the majority of those under 40 voted yes but that changed as voters got older.  I can’t find the exact numbers but it was definitely the older generations that voted no and i wonder why? A lot of folk have said they were scared that their pensions would get stopped. I think they were scared and just couldn’t be bothered with change,  what is it they say in the workplace?  Those that will suffer worse with change? the older workers?  Though in saying that the people I’ve seen with the most passion and the most fight in them within the yes camp are pensioners. 🙂

What’s for the future? Well we were at a rally in George Square last Sunday, a hope over fear rally and I can’t explain what was going on. the country had spoken, it said no, but the square was filled with an energy, a hope, a knowledge that this is not the end.  The fight for independence goes on and all the people, the huge mix of people will continue to work together, to make this country a better one for Jessica.  A lot of folk/media say that we should ‘get over it’ and stop this independence malarkey and again I just don’t get it. Why? every political party that has lost an election don’t just forget about it and disappear, every team that has lost a game doesn’t just go and close their doors, sack the players, do they? No, they regroup, they challenge those who win and come back fighting.  This is what the 45% who voted yes are doing.  They are regrouping, they are challenging and they are going to fight.  They are also growing as all those who voted no thinking we would get more powers are realising that it was all lies as we still haven’t had anything.  so the 45% will soon be 50, 55, 60!! I am sure of it.  Jessica will grow up with the same spirit for independence that is in me.

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