Someone missing mummy

so we had another night here of Jessica refusing to sleep. I did the usual bedtime routine, at the usual time and she just shouted on me. Came into bed with me and got all comfy and watched a bit of Atonement , played for a bit, chatted for ages, giggled a while and eventually after 10.30 fell asleep. I fell asleep also and woke up at half twelve. I’ve popped her back into her cot, got some work done and now going to sleep too, it’s after half one!! 

This is getting more common now so I’m maybe going to have to speak to nursery and see if we can reduce her nap to an hour? Or maybe I just need to not get anything done between her coming home and bedtime, but that defo won’t work in the winter…. Hey ho, just need to go with it. 

I had to remind myself today that she is my job and she should come before anything else.  If she is shouting for me, there is a reason and I should respond. Last night I couldn’t sleep, I tossed and turned and believe me if there was someone in the house who could have comforted me and cuddled me till I drifted off i’d sure have called for them too. 🙂 

  

2nd Christmas

It’s the 29th December at half one in the morning. My little peanut is sleeping in my arms all choked up with the cold. The house and street are otherwise quiet and I feel like I finally have peace to post on here. So much has gone on since my last post. I’ve started work, jess is full time in nursery and santa has been and gone.

The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster. Who knew starting work could be as exciting, exhilarating and exhausting as it has been. I feel like I’ve not had any quiet time to myself. Like real head stopped going at a millions miles an hour quiet. Work is great, so busy with loads of projects to get involved in. I’ve been cleaning the library since I started as it was so dusty and filthy. I’ve started to reorganise and tidy. It’s felt great to be back doing something I really love.

Jessica is a wee angel at nursery and they think she is ‘the perfect child’ She gets mucked in with everything going on and they all would quite happily take her home. I like this. I like that when I go to pick her up her wee face is so happy to see me and she comes running across the room to me but then stops and thinks and decides she wants to show me stuff. I love that in the morning she is happy to go to staff and they tell her she is going to get her breakfast. She waves tata to me and knows I’ll be back for her. They give me a drawing of sorts back almost every day and she made a tile with her footprint on it for my Christmas. 🙂 it is definetly expensive to have someone else care for your child but I think it is well worth it. She eats home cooked meals every day, never goes hungry, has a good nap and is developing and growing and changing every day. I’ve not had any pangs of guilt or fear or lonesomeness. This has been the right decision for us. 🙂

Christmas no2 in jessicas life has been and gone. She saw santa four times this year and only cried once.

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Christmas was good fun, we went to my sisters and had lunch there. I think next year she might be a bit older and we’ll start staying in our own house. Getting out with some outdoor toys or a walk round the neighbourhood. She got some nice presents this year, courtesy of my good pal she got some santa gifts. A boxed set of the Beatrix potter books that I can’t wait to read to her when she’s older and not just going to try and eat them. 🙂

I can’t believe all that has happened this past year and I am so thankful for my health, my babies health and my friends and family always being there to lift me up, support me and hug me when I need it. I welcomed in 2014 hooked up to an IV drip, curled up in a bed in Hospital, wondering how??? Now the year is nearly over and I’m fit, got a job, we are in our own house than I can afford and Jessica has surpassed any expectations of motherhood I had. She can walk, run, dance, talk a bit, eats everything and sleeps well. Sometimes I catch myself looking at her and having to catch my breath at her cuteness, her beauty and her wonderfulness. I then always have a wee quiet smile to myself and say inwardly ‘I did that!’ 🙂

Hi Ho, Hi Ho !!!

So tomorrow I start work. A new job, full time, term time. Me working again. I press pause on the mum button and return to being Miss Owens for a few hours. I’m nervous and anxious and worried about a whole host of things. Mainly if they’ll like me! Will I like them? The staff? The pupils? Will I make the effort to get to know them? Will they become my drinking buddies or play date buddies? Will I be able to do the job?

I’m not worried about Jessica. She seems to have fitted in at nursery really well over her trial days and enjoys the place. They think she is a happy content child and they seem like they will nourish this side of her. I will miss her like crazy, I know this, and have tried not to think about it. She will start to do things and they won’t be for the first time. She will amaze me every day and especially at weekends when I have her all to myself. I will miss breakfast time most of all, but none of this makes me sad because I know that I am being away from her now so we can have the best possible future.

My lunch is made and packed, her bag is packed. We are ready to go. 🙂