Well cheerio 2014

It’s half ten on Hogmanay. I am sitting in bed, Jessica is asleep next door. I am happy and content. I did not get asked anywhere for the bells or invite myself anywhere either, and this doesn’t bother me at all. I can’t believe what has happened in the past year, this time a year ago I was in hospital, poorly and weak. Missing my new baby like crazy. Half way through the year I faced homelessness and went through the motions of visiting the homeless unit and seeing the possibility of being put in emergency accommodation. I was jobless, homeless, man less and still smiled through it all.

Now I am in a whole new world. I have my own rented house that I can afford, I have a job that is challenging, busy and full of hard work and also offers time with Jessica. I also have a future to look forward to that could have anyone in it. 🙂

This year has seen some old friendship re-alight to shine brighter than id ever imagined, new friendships that have been my anchor and strength and I’ve also had to let some friendships drift, perhaps to be brought back to shore, perhaps to drift forever. Time will tell. I value friendship above everything. I need people in my life to chat to and moan to and to get hugs from. They do not realise me how important a part they play in my life.

I’ve learned so much this past year, about who I am and who I want to be. I hope I’m living to my values that I’ve set myself. I’m taking time to stop and play, to stop and smell the roses. I look at Jessica at least once a day with awe and adoration and I can’t believe she is mine. She astounds me with her cuteness and her intelligence. I can see so much of me in her.

So, that’s that for the year. It’s been full to bursting with life and love, tears and laughter. Tomorrow is not only a new day but a new year and I am looking forward to the adventures that awaits.

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2nd Christmas

It’s the 29th December at half one in the morning. My little peanut is sleeping in my arms all choked up with the cold. The house and street are otherwise quiet and I feel like I finally have peace to post on here. So much has gone on since my last post. I’ve started work, jess is full time in nursery and santa has been and gone.

The last couple of weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster. Who knew starting work could be as exciting, exhilarating and exhausting as it has been. I feel like I’ve not had any quiet time to myself. Like real head stopped going at a millions miles an hour quiet. Work is great, so busy with loads of projects to get involved in. I’ve been cleaning the library since I started as it was so dusty and filthy. I’ve started to reorganise and tidy. It’s felt great to be back doing something I really love.

Jessica is a wee angel at nursery and they think she is ‘the perfect child’ She gets mucked in with everything going on and they all would quite happily take her home. I like this. I like that when I go to pick her up her wee face is so happy to see me and she comes running across the room to me but then stops and thinks and decides she wants to show me stuff. I love that in the morning she is happy to go to staff and they tell her she is going to get her breakfast. She waves tata to me and knows I’ll be back for her. They give me a drawing of sorts back almost every day and she made a tile with her footprint on it for my Christmas. 🙂 it is definetly expensive to have someone else care for your child but I think it is well worth it. She eats home cooked meals every day, never goes hungry, has a good nap and is developing and growing and changing every day. I’ve not had any pangs of guilt or fear or lonesomeness. This has been the right decision for us. 🙂

Christmas no2 in jessicas life has been and gone. She saw santa four times this year and only cried once.

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Christmas was good fun, we went to my sisters and had lunch there. I think next year she might be a bit older and we’ll start staying in our own house. Getting out with some outdoor toys or a walk round the neighbourhood. She got some nice presents this year, courtesy of my good pal she got some santa gifts. A boxed set of the Beatrix potter books that I can’t wait to read to her when she’s older and not just going to try and eat them. 🙂

I can’t believe all that has happened this past year and I am so thankful for my health, my babies health and my friends and family always being there to lift me up, support me and hug me when I need it. I welcomed in 2014 hooked up to an IV drip, curled up in a bed in Hospital, wondering how??? Now the year is nearly over and I’m fit, got a job, we are in our own house than I can afford and Jessica has surpassed any expectations of motherhood I had. She can walk, run, dance, talk a bit, eats everything and sleeps well. Sometimes I catch myself looking at her and having to catch my breath at her cuteness, her beauty and her wonderfulness. I then always have a wee quiet smile to myself and say inwardly ‘I did that!’ 🙂

Growing up fast

Jess is off bottles. No longer needs them. Has a large glass of milk with dinner and lunch and doesn’t want any before bed. If she does its drank from her sippy cup. She also sleeps all night now too. No longer waking at 1am for a bottle. 🙂 and managed to eat a fair few spoonful of weetabix herself. Didn’t need me to load the spoon for her.

Just when I think my heart can’t take any more, she goes and does something amazing and my heart bursts with even more love for her. 🙂

He’s behind you!!

Yesterday we went to see Beauty and the Beast. The pantomime! My niece was on stage as one of the dancers. She was ace, very good and acted really great. Jessica amazed me with her impeccable behaviour. She sat through it all- moving mostly, on my knee, her chair, standing on her chair, standing in front of me, sitting on my knees again. But happy and content. There was no tears nor boredom. She was amazed by the fairy and the lights and the dancing. She got afraid when he turned into the beast and when there was a sword fight. She clung on to me not wanting to turn and watch but unable not to. 🙂 she looked into my eyes and giggled, she gave me hugs. It was an amazing mum/daughter day and a fab way to create a new tradition.

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Hi Ho, Hi Ho !!!

So tomorrow I start work. A new job, full time, term time. Me working again. I press pause on the mum button and return to being Miss Owens for a few hours. I’m nervous and anxious and worried about a whole host of things. Mainly if they’ll like me! Will I like them? The staff? The pupils? Will I make the effort to get to know them? Will they become my drinking buddies or play date buddies? Will I be able to do the job?

I’m not worried about Jessica. She seems to have fitted in at nursery really well over her trial days and enjoys the place. They think she is a happy content child and they seem like they will nourish this side of her. I will miss her like crazy, I know this, and have tried not to think about it. She will start to do things and they won’t be for the first time. She will amaze me every day and especially at weekends when I have her all to myself. I will miss breakfast time most of all, but none of this makes me sad because I know that I am being away from her now so we can have the best possible future.

My lunch is made and packed, her bag is packed. We are ready to go. 🙂