Has it really been a year?

I cannot believe my wee peanut is one year old, well as i write this she is one year and 5 days old.  The past year has truly been the most amazing, most difficult, most exciting and most happiest year of my life so far.  There have been many many ups, a few very low downs but mostly days spent in giggles and in awe with this little person I created.

Jessica truly is a little miracle.  She is so content and happy with life and always has a smile on her wee face.  She does so many many things that I’ve not recorded in this blog and I don’t know why.  Her birthday was good, we went to Jo Jingles, had lunch with friends and then had a roast dinner with family where she opened loads of lovely pressies and blew out the candles on her delicious hand made cake from her big cousin.   I wasn’t that emotional, there were nearly tears when one of my pals put a touching comment on my fb page, but apart from that I was just excited and so happy.  It does kinda feel like its just been another day that has passed, no more significant to her than today for instance.  I’m happy with that.  I didn’t want to put a whole load of emphasis on that one day.  We had a few gorgeous cherished moments and she also had them with the family and thats all I could ask for.  I know that I wouldn’t be the mum I am without all their support.

So what is my big one year old up to now? Well apart from practically running…. She does this super cute walk when she can’t find something or someone and her hands are upturned and arms bent with hands out, and her wee face has this looks as if to say ‘where’d they go?’ or ‘I don’t know’  It truly is super cute.  She can climb up on the red train all by herself and sits on it going choo choo. She knows the noises a cow, horse and dog make and can tell you when you point to a pic of the animal or ask her.   She can go find Becky in the next room if you ask her, or any particular toy that she knows.  She can climb up and down the stairs, though I still stay with her just in case.  She can feed me and play the ‘no you’re not getting it’ game with me and giggle through it all.  She loves to dance and has this half twist/sway move that cracks me up. She has four teeth and her hair is much lighter but long and thicker.  She can throw a beaut of a tantrum if she doesn’t get her own way, so far they have all been small and controllable but I can see many chats taking place in the future.  She loves her Becky Bunny and needs it at bedtime.

What a year it has been??? I find myself wondering how i’ve changed? Has motherhood changed me? I know it has, and I also know it could have changed me for the worst, I’ve seen it happen to other people; they suddenly become too hard on themselves, or start to compare kids and become competitive, or forget the real world is still out there.  I hope I’ve changed for the better. I know that I let a lot more go, I don’t let things/people get to me the way I used to.  A lot more runs off my back, its just not worth the energy to carry grudges or annoyance around with me.  I have certainly realised that I cannot control how people perceive me or what they think of me.  What I can control is how I deal with the way they treat me.  That was a hard lesson, I can love someone totally and trust them completely but that is worth nothing if they are lying to me and they feel differently.  I hope that the changes that have happened to me make me a good mum, a good role model and friend for my little peanut.  I want her to know that she will always be able to trust me and I’ll always be there for her.  I also want her to know the real me, the fun, crazy Gump that my friends know. I hope so far I’ve shown her this.

The year ahead??? Well…..

…….I’m back to work.  Got a new job starting soon.  It was a tough few weeks trying to make decisions about work.  I wrote about ten blog posts in my head but never got round to typing any of them up.  I’ve accepted a full time, term time job locally.  Jessica will go into a nursery probably rather than a childminder as no childminder has spaces at the moment.  I’m really looking forward to having a proper routine and being in control a little bit more, sometime things spiral out of control here with no direction or purpose to each and every day.

I remember starting this and thinking it would only be the first year but I enjoy writing it.  keeping a record of all her wee personality traits as they show themselves.  Who know what the next year holds???

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