Since we moved I’ve tried to stick to a routine for Jess for nighttime again and its working, she is mostly asleep by 7.30/8, getting either a dream feed at 11.30 or waking around 3 for a bottle then sleeping till 7.30/8. This is fabulous, it does work best when we are home for dinner at 5/5.30. It means we can have ‘our’ hour together between 6-7. I love it, we play all day but that hour already feels a special hour. Sometimes i don’t even put the radio on, its just me and Jessica.
I hope that i continue this all her life, the memories i’m making in that hour every day are enough to keep me going through anything. Sometimes i wonder if there are room for more. Her wee face, the way she climbs on everything. She brings things to me when I ask her, she tries to put on shoes, she chooses which toys to play with, we sing songs together, she does the actions to most of them now and of course, we read stories.
Its usually during this hour that I look at her and think about life before her. I can’t actually remember it fully. I mean, I remember doing things without her and having the freedom and simplicity of leaving the house with only purse, keys and phone. But what I can’t remember is not thinking about her, worrying about her, hoping for her. What did I think about? What thoughts flooded my mind all the time?
Another thing this hour gives me is time to actually marvel at the development taking place before my eyes. One day she’ll try something, next day a wee bit better then BAM within two days she has it mastered, its forgotten about and she’s moved on to the next adventure. I can’t believe that a year ago was the day she was due. a year ago she was still happy swimming about inside me, kicking me and rolling about. i was anxious, excited and fit to burst. I’m still anxious, excited and luckily a wee bit smaller. She, however, can walk, talk, climb, express herself and eat whole foods.
1 year ago………