Motherly ramblings

Since we moved I’ve tried to stick to a routine for Jess for nighttime again and its working, she is mostly asleep by 7.30/8, getting either a dream feed at 11.30 or waking around 3 for a bottle then sleeping till 7.30/8.  This is fabulous, it does work best when we are home for dinner at 5/5.30.  It means we can have ‘our’ hour together between 6-7.  I love it, we play all day but that hour already feels  a special hour.  Sometimes i don’t even put the radio on, its just me and Jessica.

I hope that i continue this all her life, the memories i’m making in that hour every day are enough to keep me going through anything. Sometimes i wonder if there are room for more.  Her wee face, the way she climbs on everything.  She brings things to me when I ask her, she tries to put on shoes, she chooses which toys to play with, we sing songs together, she does the actions to most of them now and of course, we read stories.

Its usually during this hour that I look at her and think about life before her.  I can’t actually remember it fully.  I mean, I remember doing things without her and having the freedom and simplicity of leaving the house with only purse, keys and phone.  But what I can’t remember is  not thinking about her, worrying about her, hoping for her.  What did I think about? What thoughts flooded my mind all the time?

Another thing this hour gives me is time to actually marvel at the development taking place before my eyes.  One day she’ll try something, next day a wee bit better then BAM within two days she has it mastered, its forgotten about and she’s moved on to the next adventure.  I can’t believe that a year ago was the day she was due. a year ago she was still happy swimming about inside me, kicking me and rolling about.  i was anxious, excited and fit to burst.  I’m still anxious, excited and luckily a wee bit smaller. She, however, can walk, talk, climb, express herself and eat whole foods.

1 year ago………

Politics, politics

So a 45-55 vote for No, Scotland should not be an independent country.  This happened a month ago and still it feels unreal, raw, like it didn’t actually happen.  My folks are struggling to understand how a country could vote no for independence and there are a lot of conspiracy theories floating around.   This is what I think, beware it is a ramble of thoughts:

My fellow Scots believe what they see on television, what politicians tell them and what they read in the tabloid press and all of these things were saying that Scotland is too poor, too weak, too small to stand on its own but if we give the London politicians a chance they will give us some more powers, they won’t let us run our own country but ‘devo-max’ will be given.  They promised this the day before the vote took place.  Scots believed them.  Its sad, I can’t understand why they didn’t look a wee bit further and see the truth that we can survive on our own.

Currency was a huge question and again, maybe I’m just not as stressed out as some folk, or maybe because I’ve actually been on my arse with nothing and know that you can survive that I didn’t see it as a huge thing. We either use the sterling pound after negotiating with London OR we use any other floating currency that we want.  Yes it would be change and confusion and uncertainty for a wee while but we would make it work.  I’ve been on too many courses and heard too many people say that change is a good thing for it to be false.  Change can empower and motivate, and its never easy.

Pensioners – it turns out it was the old dears who sold us out, the majority of those under 40 voted yes but that changed as voters got older.  I can’t find the exact numbers but it was definitely the older generations that voted no and i wonder why? A lot of folk have said they were scared that their pensions would get stopped. I think they were scared and just couldn’t be bothered with change,  what is it they say in the workplace?  Those that will suffer worse with change? the older workers?  Though in saying that the people I’ve seen with the most passion and the most fight in them within the yes camp are pensioners. 🙂

What’s for the future? Well we were at a rally in George Square last Sunday, a hope over fear rally and I can’t explain what was going on. the country had spoken, it said no, but the square was filled with an energy, a hope, a knowledge that this is not the end.  The fight for independence goes on and all the people, the huge mix of people will continue to work together, to make this country a better one for Jessica.  A lot of folk/media say that we should ‘get over it’ and stop this independence malarkey and again I just don’t get it. Why? every political party that has lost an election don’t just forget about it and disappear, every team that has lost a game doesn’t just go and close their doors, sack the players, do they? No, they regroup, they challenge those who win and come back fighting.  This is what the 45% who voted yes are doing.  They are regrouping, they are challenging and they are going to fight.  They are also growing as all those who voted no thinking we would get more powers are realising that it was all lies as we still haven’t had anything.  so the 45% will soon be 50, 55, 60!! I am sure of it.  Jessica will grow up with the same spirit for independence that is in me.

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Been a while

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve blogged. And a busy few weeks at that. I’ll probably do a few focused blogs on each aspect that has happened over the past weeks, well that’s my plan anyway. So what has been going on? Well…

The referendum- it was a no vote in the end- 55% to 45%. The campaign/yes movement to make this country a better, fairer and happier place goes on though.

Jessica’s party- although not one yet she did have an early joint birthday with her wee pals Murray and Harper. It was a great day. A bit weird as not any of my ‘old’ pals could come so it was just family and my new baby mums. I was busy on the day making sure everyone was okay and cutting the cake with the other two mums, checking Jessica was good. I didn’t really have time to think about anything. Plus, it was a month before her actual birthday so I didn’t have any of the emotional ‘my baby is a year old’ to worry bout. That is still to come. 🙂

We moved house. Yes, finally, we are no longer homeless or just visiting. We have found an affordable two bedrooms house.Across the road from a very good pal. It has a garden with some decking and a nice big driveway. I’m finding to hard to fit all our stuff in at the moment as there isn’t really any built in storage so a lot of stuff is still lying around. Getting there though. It feels like home already.

We are having a wee holiday. I’m at my brothers just now as a friend is getting married. It’s nice to be away from home for a bit and have other people around to entertain the wee one. She loves it, is totally wandering around. Blabbing away. We went to visit my old work today. Didn’t get a chance to see everyone but caught up with some folk. It was nice.

I’ve been offered a job. It’s p/t, starting early nov. I also have an interview for a full time, term time position. More on that later.