I wanted this to be a blog about the highs and lows of my life with Jess. Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been personally battling with trying to remain positive and have been staying away from posting as I didn’t want it to a down post but then I remembered that I wanted this to reflect how life actually is and not just the good stuff.
Well in the past few weeks I’ve learnt that the house will prob sale, I am officially unemployed and need to apply for benefits and to top things off Jess dropped my mobile in the toilet. Therefore I’m homeless, jobless, manless and phoneless. LOL I need to make fun of the situation because I know there is no point in dwelling on the negative or stressing myself out because I have no control over the sale of the house, I chose to not go back to Dundee and well having a baby means things get lost or broken. It is after all just a phone. But even saying that and feeling that way hasn’t stopped the fear and doubt, anxiety and stress steep in to my subconscious and make me that little bit more tired, that little bit more irritable and that little bit quicker to forget Jess is just a baby and therefore doesn’t understand the importance of a quick nappy change or a nice wee snack. 🙂
Maybe its just the 9 month itch but I have really felt the need for help recently. It is so hard at times, she is always on the go, its nice to ask for help and to get help. Though what I find is that folk are happy to have her and let me go do stuff without her when all I really want is some help in the house ,someone to share her if you like. I went to see a good friend today and spent time in her house and it was lovely. I liked having someone else to play with her and I could sit back, relax and watch her interact with others. It was lovely. I feel relaxed and happy.
Its quite difficult to write about how hard things get at times. i know this is actually a good thing. I’m not letting them get me down. I may not have lot going for me on paper and I know that letting agents will probably make assumptions about me when they hear I’m a single parent on benefits but the right place will come along at the right time and I have loads going for me, all i have to do is look at Jess to realise this. 🙂