So in two days I will be officially unemployed. I will be entitled to claim benefits to help me survive. This has been the topic of conversation with many friends and family over the last few weeks/months. They all have their own personal opinions and feelings of benefits and work. I kinda don’t really have any. I’m still not really believing that this is my life now. That I am even contemplating claiming benefits. It makes me so mad at him. Madder than ever actually.
The house is, fingers crossed, selling and I went to see about housing. HA HA!! first off all there was a notice in the very open plan waiting area that said ‘do you want to avoid crystal meth’ I couldn’t help but ask myself Why was I there? What had my life become? It wasn’t until the advisor guy told me that a certain scheme in my home town ‘wasn’t that bad’ and was most likely where they would house me should I become homeless that I really thought someone up there was having a joke. I almost broke down in tears in the car, but I managed to hold it in. It’s like this is all happening to someone else. I have a great life just now with Jess and with friends, old and new and having family close by. if I break down now all that might crash around me and then where would I be? Jess needs me to be strong, have faith that we will continue our good full life.
I’m not stupid, I’ve been saving where I can and buying the big things I need when I’ve had the money so there shouldn’t be any huge outlay coming my way. I’m okay for another couple of months but after that I have no idea. I’m applying for jobs and in fact got offered one but it really wasn’t worth it and since I don’t know where I’m gonna be living couldn’t take it, organise childcare then possibly leave it, if everything fell through. There is just too many variables going on just now for me to get a good clear picture of what my future will be like, therefore I can’t visualise it or get stressed about it.
I shall continue to apply for part time work, apply for benefits when I can and take each day one at a time. Ends will meet where they meet, my faith will see to that.