Growing up

Today has been another first. The first day we dropped a bottle. Her feeding schedule now looks like this:

9-9.30- breakfast, fruit, porridge or weetabix and a bottle. She loves satsumas and crust or slice of bagel.

12.30-1 lunch- savoury course then sweet course, sometimes some finger food also. Water

3 or 3.30 bottle of milk

5-5.30 dinner- like lunch, usually a different savoury course

7.30-8 bottle of milk then bed.

Today this seemed to be fine, she got cranky around 5 so I gave her dinner then. I was gonna try and wait till 5.30. She didn’t nap much today. Wee twenty min twice today. Went down to bed easily. We will see how this goes.

Anniversaries

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Sometimes you see things on Facebook and they really get you thinking. It’s been a year since I told family that I was expecting. He was still in the picture and we told everyone in my family together. He told his uncle/family on his own. If they ever knew.

It got me thinking though, how many more ‘It’s been a year since’ have I still to soldier through, remembering/acknowledging but not letting them get me down? There will be a few coming up, and all I can do is take each day as it comes and stumble through.

I’m not upset or sad, and I’ve not sat down and talked about it with anyone, I’ve just silently acknowledged it in my own way as it has had an effect on me. I wonder if I can truly move on with things if I’m still dealing with memories? I’m hoping that once the anniversary of my life crash has come and gone I can hold my head up high and put the past to rest. Memories are good, I don’t want to forget totally as I was happy when Jess was conceived. But they must stay in the past as memories, and not be constantly thought about or trawled through or brought into my present.

It’s amazing what can happen in 365 days. A year is nothing really. I should turn the page and look forward to the next 365. Walking? Talking? Fair hair or dark? What an adventure awaits us in the new chapter. 🙂

Happy Easter

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So we have Jessica’s first Easter and it was lovely. The sun shone , family were round and she even tasted a teeny tiny bit of chocolate.

Her cousin made her a wee Easter basket and she got gifts from friends and uncles and aunts. She did well considering she is still getting over the cold. Mum sat outside with her wrapped in a plaid. Wish I had gotten a picture. Can’t believe it’s been a year since I told everyone there was a bun in the oven. 🙂 and now here she is my own Easter Jessica Wabbit.

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Sniff sniff, cough cough

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So we are both a little under the weather today. Poor wee Jessica is all stuffed up and crinkly. You wouldn’t guess it now as she bounces away in her jumperoo, but earlier she was all red rimmed eyes, snuffly nose and cough coughing.

I think this is her first proper real cold, as she was that badly full of phlegm that she threw up her milk and a wee bit breakie. Not so good. I’m not surprised as I’ve been fighting a cold all week. It’s true that it’s hard seeing your wee one ill and I’m so glad that I’m on maternity leave and can just spend the day cuddling her, letting her sleep on me and being there with snuffle baby, muslin, Vaseline and whatever else she needs.

What we get up to.

Thought it was time for a wee up to date routine of Peanuts. So here we go…..

….. If we were to be in the house all day this is what it would look like

7.30am- wake up and have a chat with panda and Becky bunny, hitch up to the top of my cot and try and eat Jessica ted

8.30 am- give mum a shout.

8.30-9am- mum arrives, we smile, check the weather, she then washes my face(ick) dresses me in some cool outfit and then we head downstairs. Some days she is all dressed with long lashes and some days she is still in her pjs.

9-9.30am- I listen to Chris Evans and play with a few wee toys sitting in my high chair. I keep a close eye on mum as she dances around crazily and makes up my breakie (creamy porridge). Sometimes she thinks it’s okay to make herself a mug of something but I quickly remind her who is the boss.

9.30am- have a snuggle on sofa watching Jeremy Kyle and drink my bottle.

10am-11am- I play, on the floor or in my jumperoo, which I love. Sometimes we sing songs and dance.

11am- I start getting tired about now and mum is soooo nice to me that she takes me back up to see panda and Becky and we have a wee nap.

12pm- I wake up and mum is there. I’ve missed her loads so I give her big smiles and hugs. We go back downstairs and I sit in my big chair at the table again.

12.30pm- time for food and this time it’s something new and tasty then a bottle on the sofa again, I don’t always finish this bottle, a wee drink is all I need.

1.30-4.30- some days we chill out and lie on mums bed, other days I lie on my play mat with all my toys. If it’s not too wet or windy outside mum puts me in my buggy and we go for a walk. I love being outside and watching everything. If mum is cooking I go and sit on the counter and help her. I like the smell of lemon and garlic, but not fussed with cookies or hot cross buns. Some days I have a wee nap, other days it’s just too exciting so I don’t. We often go and visit gran and pops.

4.30-5pm it’s food time again and I always get something Savoury here. My favourite is carrot but I’m getting to like feeding myself with squashy foods. I also have a bottle but sometimes I don’t drink it all.

5pm- if I missed my nap earlier I zonk out here. But usually I entertain myself whilst mum has something to eat.

6-7pm I think this is my mums favourite hour. The TV is always off and there is music playing and we sing and dance and roll and I am always surrounded by toys that make noise when I hit them against things. I like sitting up against mummy’s leg and hitting her knee with a wooden spoon, but it does tire me out and I start to get unsettled.

7-7.15- this is a good time because mum takes my nappy off and I wriggle about upstairs watching a Pooh Bear lightshow.

7.15- ahhh the big bath! I love it, splish splashing about. Then I get wrapped up in a big fluffy warm towel and have cuddles with mum. And she massages my legs and belly and says I’m tickly under my chin, which always makes me giggle.

7.30-8 after that massage, I’m knackered and I’m happy that mum takes me to her big bed and gives me my bottle there, because she’s all comfy and gives big cuddles, she also always has a book to read to me and the pictures are fab. Last thing I remember before sleeping is the song she songs about a boat, a hushabye mountain and a forest of dreams. Although sometimes I’m just not ready to fall asleep on mummy and these nights she knows and puts me in my sleeping bag and takes me through to my own room. I give panda’s ear a chew and listen to my music whilst watching another light show on the ceiling. I fall asleep before the music stops. Zzzzz

And that would be Peanuts life if we don’t go out and about. 🙂 but we do:
Monday- baby sensory at ayr at 11.30
Tuesday- tots Praise in kille at 10.15
Wednesday-swimming
Thursday – jo jingles at 11.30 in ayr
Friday, Sat, Sun – plan less days!!! 🙂

Even when out and about I try my hardest to keep to her timings for eating and that ever elusive afternoon nap. 🙂

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Wedding bells

Today two of my good friends got married. They have a wee girl of about three, and have been together for fifteen years. It was lovely, such a laid back wedding focused on the main thing- their love and respect and admiration for each other. I loved it. Everything a wedding should be.

Jess was great. I had no trouble with her at all. She ate, had a snooze and charmed everyone there. I got loads of compliments from folk saying she was such a good baby, so content and they were all amazed. I am so proud of her and of myself. I had my plan for the day, sticking to her routine as much as I could
and it worked out. This is the way we work. Our little team. We can do weddings. I know it’ll get harder as she gets older and more mobile, but I’m sure we will cope well. 🙂

Congrats to S & I. We had a ball.

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Someone to hold my hand

I knew single parenting was gonna be difficult. I was ready for the money worries, the big issues and the even bigger questions that I alone need to answer. What I wasn’t, what I am not ready for is the small things. The fact than I wish there was someone else to put out the rubbish or remember to put out the rubbish. Someone else to hang the washing up, to tidy away her toys, or to make a cup of tea. Someone else to nip out to tesco to pick up some milk.

I can’t say I miss having someone else because I’ve never had them. But it’s the idea of how nice it would be to put Jess to bed and walk downstairs to find the living room tidy and a cuppa waiting on me, just once. It’s these things that are hard and tiring. I sit down and then remember the never ending list of stuff to do. Maybe I’m hard on myself as I’ve set myself a target of always tidying and doing the dishes before I come to bed. And every night Jess has been in the house I’ve managed this. I guess I have the fear that if I don’t do this, it’d be left for days and then I’d crumble with the mess. Also I like to start each day with an empty sink and an empty floor. I want to spend the day with jess, creating mayhem. I don’t want to pop her down on the floor whilst I’m cleaning last nights or two nights ago dishes up. I know this is the way for a lot of mums at times, but for me and single mums everywhere it’s every night.

Running out of milk! This is a novelty for me and something that happens quite regularly. There have been a few occasions when I wasn’t driving I had to ask the folks to bring me in milk. Now I am driving it’s easier to take Jess to the folks and leave her there than struggle her in the car seat, then out the car seat, find a special trolley, strap her in, do the shop, out the trolley, into the car seat, car seat back into the car…… If it’s a good walking day I walk to asda, it’s easy and a nice walk. But I cant do a big shop- just enough to fit in the basket on the buggy- and I can only do this during the day, not at 9pm which is usually when I sit down to tea and realise the milk is bad!! Haha!!

Today was a tough day for peanut, the teeth were annoying her, we spent a good while just lying staring, hugging, chatting to each other this afternoon. I had to remind myself this was my job, everything else could wait. Now I know that for most mothers every day is spent with baby and they all feel this. But they have someone else to hug them after a rough day, someone else to carry baby out to the car at times, someone else who will entertain baby whilst they do laundry or even if they’re lucky someone else who will do the laundry for them.

I know I have my family and they have been amazing!! And I know how much i hated not being with Jess whilst ill and recovering so this isn’t meant to be a whiny post, just a wee comment on my wish that sometimes, for the most mundane of reasons, and for the little everyday things I wish that there was someone there to hold my hand.

Then I remember there always will be. x

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