On my own

Well yesterday was a day of firsts for me. The first day I went to Glasgow on my own, as a mum. The first haircut as a mum. The first underwire bra purchased as a mum and the first time I, as a mum chose to leave my bundle of fun at home with gran whilst I had a day to myself. It was weird in a good way. A mixture of feelings and emotions, none of which really took over. I was happy to be trying to discover who I am now, happy to shop without having to stop to feed Jess, to have that freedom. I missed her lots and wondered what she was up to but since I was used to her being with my folks I didn’t worry about her. I got a new hairstyle and bought myself a new outfit. Clothes shopping was awful on Thursday, nothing fitted and I was getting stressed, however I think a new haircut cheered me up and slimmed me down. Jeans fit and I found a lovely red flowery top. Plus new bras always helped. Or then again maybe it was the fact the woman who measured me was impressed that I had lost weight.

Today I was back in Glasgow for my pals hen night. Plate painting then cocktails. I left after that to get train home whilst the rest are off for dinner then karaoke. It was great, again kinda weird trying to work out who I am now. I’m not the same as before. I am a mum, but what can I chat about? Babies, Jess, surgery? That’s been my life for the past few weeks, I feel I need to work at figuring out mea wee bit. The only way I can do that is getting back out there. Making friends and doing things. It’ll help driving again. I’m sure of it.

Two days without her. I miss her wee face. Mum and dad are having loads of fun with her. She has been giggling and laughing all day. I’m glad she’s happy and even though she’s been a bit more clingy I’m glad that she can still be settled and comforted by my folks. I’m not sure I’m ready to leave her with anyone else yet.

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