1st Mothers Day memories

Well yesterday was my first Mother’s Day with Jessica. She got me a bunch of daffodils and a card (helped a bit by my folks) and a imprint of her hand and foot. (Helped by me) I’ve been feeling loads of love for her the past few days, like every now and then I just crumble when she looks bashful or cute or does something new. I tell her all day that she is loved and I wonder if this every fades? It’s a huge thing, overwhelming at times, motherly love.

What did we do on our Mother’s Day? Well we had a long lie as the clocks got moved forward, so not really a long lie, actually up at usual time, but it was an hour later. πŸ™‚ Jessica was in great fettle and giggled loads all morning. We got ready then went to see my mum and give her a gift. Spent the afternoon in my folks garden, it was lovely weather. Saw my bro and my sis and nieces and had a good time. Got some great photos beside some daffodils.

I got a wee bit emotional when I got home. I wasn’t crying or anything just felt blue I guess. Couldn’t pinpoint why i felt sad. Maybe it’s because days like these remind me what’s not in Jessica’s life. Not him but just having another someone, there for both of us. I feel it is a lot on my folks shoulders. I know they are strong but still. Anyway good thing was the mood passed and we had a lovely time getting ready for bed.

It’s his birthday tomorrow. I still wonder what he thinks of the way things have gone and also how he can sleep at night and function in the day not knowing anything about her. I can’t wait till all these little and big anniversaries and first timers have rolled round once so i can feel all the emotions I have then know how to handle the event second time round. πŸ™‚ I’m getting tired of having to fight through all the emotions of everything, it’s a battle sometimes not to let it all overpower me. If my brain had an off switch I’d flick it.

a wee list of what Jess is up to now:

β€’ she has mastered the art of looking bashful, and tries it on with me, all the time.
β€’ she squeakles sometimes- a mix of a squeal and a squeak.
β€’ she is teething, has wee red cheeks a lot and is constantly gnawing on everything. Teething powders are a lifesaver
β€’ I love her attitude, when I lift her in the morning she has look in her eye that says right, what we gonna learn today.
β€’ I love picking her up when dressed in the morning, her hand rests on my shoulders and we are ready for the day
β€’ eating like a champ. Veg and fruit all good.
β€’ almost turning over, enjoying being on tummy more
β€’ when she is finished her last bottle at night, she turns towards me, looks at me with a half open eye then smiles and cuddles in to sleep. It is super cute. It is her saying I’m done, it’s night time, I’m sleeping. πŸ™‚

Love this little hubba bubba.

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On my own

Well yesterday was a day of firsts for me. The first day I went to Glasgow on my own, as a mum. The first haircut as a mum. The first underwire bra purchased as a mum and the first time I, as a mum chose to leave my bundle of fun at home with gran whilst I had a day to myself. It was weird in a good way. A mixture of feelings and emotions, none of which really took over. I was happy to be trying to discover who I am now, happy to shop without having to stop to feed Jess, to have that freedom. I missed her lots and wondered what she was up to but since I was used to her being with my folks I didn’t worry about her. I got a new hairstyle and bought myself a new outfit. Clothes shopping was awful on Thursday, nothing fitted and I was getting stressed, however I think a new haircut cheered me up and slimmed me down. Jeans fit and I found a lovely red flowery top. Plus new bras always helped. Or then again maybe it was the fact the woman who measured me was impressed that I had lost weight.

Today I was back in Glasgow for my pals hen night. Plate painting then cocktails. I left after that to get train home whilst the rest are off for dinner then karaoke. It was great, again kinda weird trying to work out who I am now. I’m not the same as before. I am a mum, but what can I chat about? Babies, Jess, surgery? That’s been my life for the past few weeks, I feel I need to work at figuring out mea wee bit. The only way I can do that is getting back out there. Making friends and doing things. It’ll help driving again. I’m sure of it.

Two days without her. I miss her wee face. Mum and dad are having loads of fun with her. She has been giggling and laughing all day. I’m glad she’s happy and even though she’s been a bit more clingy I’m glad that she can still be settled and comforted by my folks. I’m not sure I’m ready to leave her with anyone else yet.

Mummy, I need you.

I think that’s what Jess shouted to me tonight at about 6.30pm.

Today has been a funny old day, I felt she was really clingy early on and had a good hours nap in the morning, usually she only sleep half an hour. So I was prepared for ‘one of those days’ but, she cheered up and was bright as a button at bookbug, then as I walked around town, charmed everyone in the bank and only fell asleep when we headed for home. (I know, great, I was in town and made it walking back up no problem:)) However, the bump of the front step woke her up and no matter that I left her in her cot with the sleep light on she stayed awake. So I kinda figured she’s be tired come bed time.

Right on cue at sixish she started getting grizzly, an hour earlier than usual, we chilled for a while on the seat with a book. It was lovely, so comfy and content but then she didn’t want to sit, or lie, or bounce and the thumb was in the sleeping position (in the mouth) so I took her upstairs and thought she might have a wee 40 winks before bath, give me time to make and eat dinner, but no and that’s when the shout happened. There were no tears or crying just shouting and I’m sure it was ‘mummy, I need you’

So I answered her call and did something I’ve not done for a while, I took her to my room, which was in semi darkness and we just chilled on the bed. We cuddled, and giggled and it was the best half hour of my day. Dinner could wait, the world could have stopped in fact. I loved it. I want to do it again. I hope we can do as she grows. I’m glad I’m finding these moments again.

Tasty grub!

The food journey continues: sitting in her high chair:

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She was really happy in it:

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Tasting apple:

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Tasting carrot – by far her favourite taste so far:

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Her first ‘mmmmmm’ see the concentration.

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Food Glorious Food.

So I’ve listened to Jessica and watched her feeding over the past couple of weeks and decided on Monday that she was ready for food. Especially at lunch and dinner time surprisingly. So I bought some baby rice and away we went.

I was thinking about doing baby led weaning at six months but there was no way Jess would last another two months. She took to the spoon really well, my plan is to give her rice and baby porridge for the next few weeks then go onto veg and fruit at five/six months. Fingers crossed I don’t need to purΓ©e too much or for too long and she can feed herself food. I’m not following BLW to the absolute but taking bits of it. I want Jess to understand how to use a spoon as well as how to feed herself.

I’m really looking forward to this next part of our adventure. So far so good. πŸ™‚

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Giving Jess memories.

I read this article today and it got me thinking.

I’ve been wondering what kind of mum I’ll be, what memories will stay with Jess forever and what will just be forgotten. One of my best memories is watching my mum getting her white box of EstΓ©e Lauder out every Sunday. She put on her make up for going to church and I would watch her. I thought this white box was wonderful and magical. Mum was beautiful all the time but after she had her make up on she shone. All she had on was some eyeshadow, mascara and lipstick. πŸ™‚

Thinking of me and Jess I want her to have the same kind of memories. Fingers crossed she does, I’m confident that’ll happen as my nieces have always been interested in make up and my make up bag. I hope that the little I use doesn’t have any negative effect on her own self image. I’m sure it won’t. πŸ™‚ it’s interesting as I’m sure that mum never had any of these thoughts. It was just something we did on a Sunday.