Ending and beginnings

At 0938 on 6th January Jess had her last boobalicious experience. We have decided to stop breast feeding. Many reasons for our decision. She will continue to get my milk in a bottle till I stop producing it, and will have the odd formula bottle throughout the day. We will see how this goes. πŸ™‚

So far what I miss is her wee full up contented face that she had after a feed, that silent little smile with her eyes closed. I haven’t seen that with any bottle feed yet. I think it’s because she would feed till she was full and no matter how much you have in a bottle she either has to rest or burb or the bottle runs out before she reaches that place. I’m still holding her close and giving lots of hugs during feeds.

Why have we stopped? Well the main reason is my energy, both physical and mental. I was rushed into a&e on the 28th dec with tubo-ovarian abscess. Though it took till a scan on the 29th for diagnosis. I was hooked up to an IV antibiotics and kept in for a week. I saw Jess for about an hour a day and was very very poorly! 😦 I expressed the whole time I was in to keep up my milk but it wasn’t enough I think and on retuning home I felt she was hungrier and having to work hard at the end of feeds, also the thrush pain reoccurred slightly and I couldn’t fight it again or start the whole business of setting up production all over again. Plus she was happy with my mum and dad for a week on formula so I knew we’d be fine. I have to conserve energy to get better as I don’t want to be that ill again or be apart from my baby girl for so long.

‘Missed her’ doesn’t even come close to the feelings I had when in hospital. It felt that a part of me was gone, I cried lots. For a while I worried that she would prefer my mum to me and that she would forget me but skin to skin and bf reassured me that was silly. πŸ™‚ she got her jags on Hogmanay and my brother brought her in to see me. It was horrific: all she wanted was to be held, and walked, and cuddled. I couldn’t do it, I got upset and felt like such a woose! I couldn’t comfort my little girl on the one day I needed to. The nurses in the hospital were great and said that I hadn’t to worry, I was really ill, my body was done in by this infection and Jess would be cared for by my folks really well. I might have missed a day but I needed to get better for all the other days.

My new year, first one as a mum was spent hooked up to an IV machine, not great but just another day. I think it’s good that I don’t really care much for new year.

So that year is over and a new one is here. Me and Jess and are gonna have lots of fun. We have a fresh new routine to settle into and some new places to explore. Once I’m back to full strength again there is no stopping us.


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