Pregnancy middles contd

Well, after the first scan we sent the picture to family and he sent a pic to his dad. My folks were all so happy and excited. My niece was so impressed because it was an actual baby in the pic, you could see everything. I went into work and showed it around and told folk I was pregnant, which was such an exciting thing to do. Everyone was super happy for me.

When we got back to his folks house I remember his mums reaction when he gave her the copy of the pic, “yeah, your dad showed me, it looks like an alien” to be fair I think my instinct was raised at that point to thinking that his mum wasn’t as happy about this pregnancy as we were, but I didn’t know quite to what extent that was.

The next 8 weeks up to our second scan kinda passed without any major health worries. I had my last urine infection (thanks god) at 14 weeks, bringing total to 5 since I got pregnant. 😦 I remember he was not the most supportive during my illnesses, I rationalised it by telling myself hewas just one of this guys who didnt so illness or time off work etc. I remember a chat we had where I tried to explain the difference between sympathy and support as he didnt dish out sympathy!! Oh how I should have known…..

Anyone those weeks were what I thought were settling in weeks. But he didnt do settling in. We had a couple of major rows as he wasn’t at home, very often eating dinner with his folks at night and staying there till 9.30/10pm. There was a lot of meals eaten on my own, and I was pretty tired so it was bed at 9 for me as I was up at 6 to get train at 7.10. Again I thought he is just taking a while to settle/ doesn’t cope well with change etc etc. We had some good times and when he was there, he was very attentive and caring. We chatted a bit about the baby an the future but a lot of it freaked him out so I planned away in my head.

The twenty week scan came and went, it was amazing! He came with me and stayed whilst I was assessed for pain and diagnosed with pelvic girdle pain (which deserves a whole post on its own). We booked up for parenting classes, he appeared to be coming to them all, things were better at home, not perfect but realistically what relationship is??? Then the bubble burst…….

I discovered a horrible text on his phone from his mother that frightened me and upset me greatly. Basically it said that she didnt care about me and noone did! That night, after I’d confronted him about it, I explained that I couldn’t stay there and went to stay with my brother for a couple of nights to give us space. Packin that night was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Walking out the door was even harder. By that point I’d let my parents into the story and they had come up to help drive me to my brothers. I then spent two days on tender hooks, never giving up hope that the love I had for this man and what I’d hoped he had for me was from enough. Always hoping he’s find some way to fix this because he wanted to be with me and his child, the child we’d conceived together with thought and planning. Well to cut a long story short he did make a decision and that decision was to change the locks, pack my stuff up and send me a text message at 11.30pm saying it was over!! I arrived at the house, the home i’d pictured our family to exist in at 7.30am to discover locks changed. After being kept outside for about 10 mins he finally let me in for me to see my things already being packed up! His reasons?? I’ve yet to hear them!!

How did I manage to recover?? Writing this now it still seems like it happened to someone else!! I recovered because I have amazing friends and family who propped me up, kept me going, and never let me fall!! Those first few weeks after I’d left were horrible. I was broken but I had peanut constantly jabbing me and kicking me to remind me I wasn’t alone and I needed to be strong for someone else. That’s when I decided to write this because even though it was awful beyond words I need to have a record of what I’ve been through, who I am, who peanut is.

Why he acted like that ill never know, what he thought I’d do to his house ill never know. It’s been 12 weeks since then and still not a peep! Will he get in touch? I don’t know! There are things that occurred that day I went over to speak to him ingrained in my brain. I know I’ll never forget but overall now, 12 weeks later I’m a different person. I’m a stronger person and soon to be a single mother.

I used to think I was lucky to have met him! Now I know I’ve always been lucky. It’s the other people in your life that make you lucky. The co-workers who turn out to be much more, the friends who just listen to your silences, family that are solid as a rock! I know my child will be surrounded by love and that’s the most important thing!

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